My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
40s are totally the cure
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
