He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
