The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
worst night to have a conscience
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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