3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
3pm strippers are depressing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
