He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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