Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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