saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
