party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
