You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I just put wine in my tea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
