I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
