So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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