well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
