I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize