What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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