Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
