If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
