i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
