just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
