I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize