he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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