just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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