Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize