I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
