Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
