I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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