oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
