why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
