how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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