i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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