i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
