Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
