I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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