My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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