Kiss
Puke
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
