will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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