i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
