i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
