trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
