Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
