Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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