I'm eating all of the evidence.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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