nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
