pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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