got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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