Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
