before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
