sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
