you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
where does the pee come out of this thing
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
