Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
