He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
