Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize