I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
