I heard we made out
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
