yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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