I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
