i think i have herpe
just one?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
