There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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