And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
