oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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