I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
